The Mourning Glory
Psst! I started a novel...As some of you may have heard, some of my...let's call it "free time"...has gone into starting a novel. Didn't mean to do it. It just happened. And as of now, the first act of that novel (at least the first draft of it) has been completed. And I thought, before trudging onward, that it might be nice to get a few opinions on how it's going so far.
So I figured I'd post it up when it was done and just provide a link. But, this being me (marketing-minded guy I am), I went ahead and built a little web page around it, just to make the experience a little more fun.
The novel is called "The Mourning Glory", a title which will make sense by the end of Act I, I promise. This here is one of them science-fictiony novels you hear about, so if that's not your speed...well, you might give it a try anyway. I like to think I have my own little twist on sci-fi, so it may not be what you're expecting. There's only one way to find out. Hey, what a nice segue to posting up the link!:
Note four distinct possibilities for screwing up that address if you're typing it in: 1) Forgetting to add the "the" at the start, 2) forgetting to use the "U" in "mourning", 3) getting confused by those two g's right next to each other and forgetting one, and 4) trying to type .com instead of .net. Yeah, some other joker got the .com one before I could. Ah, well. Let's pretend a .net address is cooler, shall we? So it's a URL fraught with possibilities for misadventure, so maybe using the link above might be best. Or, if you ever forget it, you can always go to michaeloconnell.com, got to Exposition section, and you'll find a link there.
Once you get to the Mourning Glory home page, you can read the pretentious, wordy introduction I made for it that goes into the history of this story (what led me to writing it, and how its origins are nearly 20 years old) and a rant on my impatience with Earth-based spacey sci-fi stories. So I won't go into all the history here and repeat myself (you lucky dogs). You'll also find a dedication page, and then you can jump right into Act I itself!
I was going to translate the story into HTML, but thought better of it. I remembered that a lot of people don't like to sit and read at their computer screen, so I wanted to allow an easy print option. I was originally going to do HTML with a .PDF option, but after creating the .PDF file, I realized people who want to read at the computer can just read the damn .PDF onscreen just as well, if not easier, than the HTML. And it looks prettier, too. I've found on both my computers that Adobe opens it at 130%, which is a little overwhelming, so you might want to drop that to 100%. Or, if you're like me, you might want to go a step further and knock it to 75%, which makes it (to me) look a lot more like a paperback novel. That's the other thing I like about .PDF. You can re-size it all you like to fit your preferences.
After I finally formatted everything down from my Word doc into the .PDF, Act I came out at 57 pages. It's split into eight "parts" (I'm not really going with "chapters", per se, but these kind of act like chapters, and are numbered), so you can read a few pages at a time, if you like, and go back to it later without having to spend too much time looking for where you left off. Just remember you were about to start section "3".
I also added a "News" page and a "Contact" page. Both of these are strongly connected to the idea of people being able to contact me and let me know when I've screwed something up, and then I can let people know when the fix is done. And if you're a regular reader of this blog and are aware that the 2009 Great Typo Contest is currently underway, you know what THAT means...a 57-page GOLD MINE of opportunities for points!
Yes, I would LOVE for people (please, please?) to make note of any errors they find (typos, spelling, whatEVAH) as they're reading along and let me know about them. Once they (by "they", I mean "you", of course!) let me know, and I can make the change in the Word doc, re-save the .PDF, and post up the fixed copy. This is why the News page is cool, because you can check it and see if you've got the latest version. I'll be posting dated entries each time a new one goes up.
Please note that this IS science fiction, so there's some stuff typed in there that's meant to be spelled/written wrong to fit atmosphere of the setting, so no points for "there's no such word as 'vidscreen!'. You get the idea. Also, as always with the contest, the points go to the first person who spots the error and reports it, so if I were you, I'd start reading early!
I've meant to do something like this for a long time, ever since I started michaeloconnell.com. I've always meant to crank out some fiction for my Exposition page, but just haven't gotten around to it. So, this'll be the start. My plan here is to keep on writing until a whole novel is done (however long THAT takes...), and to keep putting up the different "acts" as I go. Along the way, your opinions can make a huge difference. Every heard that old "forest for the trees" phrase? Sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes to spot things that the guy in the middle of the woods misses completely (staring at the trees like a doofus as he is...). I'd like to know if anyone has what I refer to as one of those "wait a minute..." moments. These are those moments when you spot something in a plot that just doesn't make sense, or is contradicted by something else in the story. As the whole version that's going to be up on my web page is a first draft, this is the perfect time for me to find those and deal with them, and maybe even correct them before the second draft begins. But beyond just finding typographical and logical errors, I'm really curious to find out what you think of the story. I don't want you on board here just as an editor. I want you as a reader, and I want to take you on a journey that will hopefully be a great and exciting ride for you. Writing, for me, is always about customer service. I want to do everything I can to make sure you enjoy the product.
So, all that said, I do hope you're intrigued enough to jump in and give The Mourning Glory a try. Be prepared - it's not going to jump right out of the gate with epic space battles and blaster fire and flying fists. Oh, that's coming, don't worry. But one of the main themes in this tale is life being about the journey, not the destination, so there's a progression to it all. I'm going to ease you in, introduce the world, the story, the characters, the teases for what's to come. I hope you'll find those parts captivating on their own. But this is no novella - it's a big story, and it's going to take you a lot of different places before it's done. So enjoy the ride, as I hope to make it one well worth your time.
So strap in, kick back, and let the ride begin. Your journey awaits.
** WARNING ** There be spoilers in the comments of this entry! Proceed at yer own risk...and after you read Act I!
posted by Michael O'Connell @ 2:44 AM
5 Comments:
At July 13, 2009 at 4:58 PM ,
KC Ryan said...
Well, I sent in my nitpicker report, but this one is about the story! (SPOILERS AHEAD)
Okay, here's a random sampling of my thoughts...
I enjoyed this, enough to take an hour and read it straight through. I wanted to find out what Kyn was going to do next, when and if something was going to happen (like him getting the ship from the Captain - that was telegraphed a mite early, I think.. though the lawyer guy was great touch.
Hey, someone has to explain things to our protagonist! :)
You do a good job of describing everything, almost too good - kind of slows the story down sometimes. I'm not sure how this not being Earth-related or an Earth station or somehow relying on Earth, saves it, though. I think the reason there's always that Earth link was to ensure that we'd have some kind of interest in the matter at hand. Not that I think your story needs an Earth link or anything, just kind of wondering why this was so important?
I really liked how Kyn Tallin (Talon? :) )'s life seems to be going nowhere, even though he's certainly working hard. Too bad he can't do better than a bartender, though... he can use some serious cash.
I did forsee that he'd be getting the ship from the old man (don't know why, it's just something I would have liked to see done I guess), though I did think it was a little... wordy, with their conversations in his bedroom. I mean, how much time did Kyn have to spend with him? Jus tlistening to the old guy (Captain!) must have taken him off of his schedule or something? Maybe there's some whay you can address this?
Nice touch on getting him a single room.
Anyway, I guess I'm more of the "but that's not important!" school, where I tend to get annoyed at stories that seemingly go on to describe stuff that frankly we jus tdon't care much about since it has nothing to do with the story. I know, I do it myself sometimes, but it felt like there was a whole mess of extraneous information up front, you know?
I eman, I did like that lawyer guy, but for a fellow who was only going to pass through the story I thought a little too much time was spent on him. Granted, if this turns into a novel that may not be a problem, but for the "origin story" here it seemed you dragged it out a little too long.
Likewise, Kyn sometimes seems like a real "gosh-geewhillikers!" wide- eyed farmboy, a bit too much on the "golly gosh" naivete (sp?) to come across as being entirely likeable. I mean, sometimes he comes across less as the potential hero of the piece than as kind of a dork.
For instance, he falls for the lawyer guy's theatrics over and over. Granted, he's a lil' naive. But he just can't seem t get it through his head that he's the new owner of a ship. I realize what the old Captain meant to him, but come on, get aboard already!
Ahh, I'm just impatient, is all. I really did enjoy it (I'm sitting here two hours after work was done, so I did like it!) and it was a good origin story. I just hope you get a good advance and can write like this, to your heart's content, every darn day.
Dream on, just like Kyn it will come true!
At July 14, 2009 at 9:28 AM ,
Martin Maenza said...
Act One - I liked it a lot, Mike. It has everything I have come to enjoy from your writing over the past 20 years (yes, it has been that long): solid-engaging characters, naturally-flowing dialogue, and very detailed descriptions of places/things. I know my own limits as a writer and it is those later two I have to constantly work on (I still am after all these years - but your work always inspires me to improve my game, for which I thank you for always whether I convey it to you or not). It is what keeps me in the short-story format and not yet ready for the novella/novel format. But...someday.... Back to your work though.
Like KC, I had an inkling where the story was going early on (as every writing book says - we've heard every story before in some fashion, but the key is what spin you put on the elements and how you arrange them that makes them new and fresh). But I appreciated you taking some time to get there. Those opening "chapters" help establish who Kyn is, where his life is now and where he'd like to be. His early interaction with his co-worker goes to show that he's a good guy who is struggling to get it all together. He has his dreams but reality is such a harsh mistress. These early chapters show he is likable and well-thought of. The relationship with the Captain in his dying days shows too how much he can care for others. And we need the lengthy stories told by the elder man in order to help establish things needed later (the final request of Kyn - which could easily set up a future adventure plot point in the series).
The stuff with the lawyer character, while running a bit long, was also needed. We need that hint that there is something more to the Captain than just a generous old man. Also, I can tell - you found that the lawyer character tended to just take over and demand more screen time. I understand - sometimes a bit character does that, especially if it is one you find yourself as the writer liking as well. You might have to condense some of this at some point (I'm thinking an editor would advise that) but I wouldn't cut anything out just yet. That would come in a later revision - perhaps after you get through the next act and see how the whole first "book" is pacing out. Similarly too, you wanted to show Kyn's wonder and coming to terms with everything as he explores the/his ship for the first time. You want the reader to see this new place through his eyes. Again, perhaps a little pruning will need to come here if you get closer to a published format - but you can do that on a future pass.
All in all, a good start. While it didn't start with a great big bang, it did keep me reading. It helps by having established a lead character that I, as a reader, wanted to learn more about. Believe me, I've picked up some published novels before that I've shelved again within the first fifty pages. Yours kept my interest and had me wanting to find out more.
At July 19, 2009 at 2:00 AM ,
Michael O'Connell said...
Gentlemen:
Exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for! Thanks for taking the time to help me out with this.
Some general thoughts: First, yes, this is definitely a first draft. And on this first pass, instead of thinking too hard (editing myself) on what to include and what not to, I'm just putting EVERYTHING in. A lot of what's written ends up being me answering questions to myself that pop in as I go. On the next draft, there will be a lot of pruning to do. By the end of the first, I'll have a much better idea of what's important and what's not, and will be able to have a better perspective on what stuff can be shortened or taken out completely.
And yes, this is going to be a big novel. I like the novels I read to be big, therefore I write like that, I guess. Taking this many pages just to get to the shift should clue you in...going to be a loooong ride. As this goes on, try to think of it as a whole, not as a series of connected short stories. Things happening earlier on will make more sense later, for example, as it all unfolds.
One of my biggest questions I had for people when I finished was whether or not the ship thing was too telegraphed. Obviously it was. Very good to know. Next time around, it'll need to be somehow buried more effectively. Either that means moving the lie about the ship being destroyed further up (maybe Dell told him that?), or maybe putting more emphasis on that whole "jump onto the first ship leaving and become a deckhand" thing and maybe make it look like THAT's the telegraphed part of it. Either way, the ship needs to be an unexpected twist, and it's not yet. Second draft, here we come!
The level of detail is a touchy thing. I'm aware that some people, like myself, like as much detail on an unfamiliar setting as possible, and on the characters, too. Other readers are more "Get to the point!!!". There's a balance to be found there. But like I said, for now, I'm just writing it as I "see" it, as I'm learning about this world as I go, myself. One of my favorite writers, Tad Williams, has one bad habit. He seems to always include a "storyteller" in his novels who tend to periodically break into these long, seemingly unrelated (or only barely related) tales. You see one about to start and you sigh and go "Here we go again...". The stories from Captain Dell were meant to not only give you a better picture of the man himself, but to show the kinds of adventures Kyn wants to desperately to be a part of, and show someone who's had the life that Kyn dreams of. Will those, too, be shortened later? Probably so. It'll be good to take the ax to this thing when that time comes, make it sleeker and leaner.
At July 19, 2009 at 2:00 AM ,
Michael O'Connell said...
I also wanted to give the impression that Kyn works his rounds so he has extra time to hang out with Dell, and I didn't get around to doing that, so thanks for the reminder there, KC. I'm trying to avoid those little lapses in story logic that pull people out of the narrative, those "Wait a minute..." moments, as I call them. Also...the bartender thing? It just seemed like the perfect second job, one with a flexible work schedule and tips. Seemed like a good college student second gig...and one of those jobs that also makes you motivated to get on with your real life so you never have to do it again...
The whole scene where he finds out about the ship, the whole lawyer thing and the getting on the ship itself, definitely needs trimming. It just needs to get the idea across that this amazing thing has happened and he can't believe it, but that point got overdone. It's a tough balance - I'm trying to be accurate, emotionally, on what it would be like suddenly having your whole life change, but the idea got pretty repetitive in my fear of losing that feeling. Trim, trim, trim.
In Act 2, I'm trying to move past all the doubts and fears and have him fully accepting reality and moving forward with it. This first act was meant to be slower, very short on action, but things will start to move after this. Honest, there is action coming. This act is meant to show what his vision of being a ship captain looks like. The rest is the reality of it...as his friend Gibri said, it's not a magical child's tale out there, and Kyn is going to find that out big time.
And yes, Martin, I was trying to show what a compassionate, genuinely good guy Kyn is. One of the central themes of this whole thing is the idea that one act of kindness can change your whole life. I wanted to show, in his stuff with the Captain and with the cleaning up puke for the kitchen guys and the stuffed animal thing, that he's a really decent guy who really deserves some good karma...and finally gets some.
We'll see how it all goes. But thanks, guys, for all the totally valuable insight! These are all notes I'll be keeping for the next draft, and they'll also, I'm sure, help shape the first draft stuff to come. The problem with just having one editor is that one person isn't going to do it - their perception of things can be guided by personal likes/dislikes, and just end up being them trying to write the story the way they want it. I need a sampling of different readers and their impressions to spot the common elements that need to be addressed. This'll be a huge help. Thanks again!
At July 19, 2009 at 2:02 AM ,
Michael O'Connell said...
KC - also an important insight on your impression of Kyn. He is, after all, supposed to be "us" in this story, so it's important that readers sympathize with him and like him. He does start the story out, purposefully, as pretty naive. Apparently he comes off as too much so. That's the kind of thing that can tick of readers that are walking in his shoes and make them turn on him. So good to know. That, too, I'll be taking another look at.
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