America Feels the Need. The Need...for Iron.

Okay, I don't have any serious personal reason to bag on Speed Racer here, since I haven't even seen it, but I still feel the need to gloat at the fact that Iron Man, on its SECOND weekend, raked in over $50 million at the box office, while on its OPENING weekend, Speed Racer pulled in a comparatively LAME $20.2 million. Not only did it make less than half of what I.M. did after I.M. had already made its big money, but it BARELY beat the seemingly (if you've seen the trailer or read any review) lame-ass What Happens in Vegas. Seeing as Speed had a budget of $120 million, DON'T imagine we'll be seeing a sequel on that one.

It's not so much gloating as it is a sense of relief - relief that, for once, things are working in Hollywood as they're supposed to. Iron Man is still running at 92% on the Tomatometer. If 92% of critics like a movie, THAT should be the movie that makes the most money. Speed, after jumping from the 20s to the 30s, has evened out at 35%. If only 35% of critics like your movie (which would suggest that 65% think it was total smeg), your movie should be PUNISHED. It should not make money, the studio should get very sad and cry, and the studio should then learn an important lesson - if you blow it, we won't come. Therefore, studios will (slowly) realize that to make money, they need to MAKE GOOD MOVIES.

Sadly, this rarely happens, and without checking a review and just being mesmerized by shiny trailers, people flock to see big-budget poodoo. Then the studio execs rejoice and have martinis and clap each other on the back, and immediately green-light "Poodoo II: Even Bigger Poodoo". Meanwhile, awesome scripts don't get bought because the studio has spent all their money buying a $20 million script cranked out by a trained (but mentally challenged) monkey and the other $80 million on Jim Carrey's salary.

But at least for one glorious week in the always unpredictable summer movie season, justice has been done. The better film got the money. The big stinker got reamed. Way to go, America. There's hope for you yet. Now if you can just stop caring about what Paris Hilton had for dinner and watching Celebrity Breast Enhancement, we might actually start making some progress.