Like A Boss

(Based on the The Lonely Island song, "Like A Boss". You can enjoy this tune on iTunes. However, please do not download it if you don't want to deal with the language used in it.)

Mr. O'Connell, thank you for coming to your performance review.

No problem.

So now that you're technically your own employer, it's fair to say that you, in fact, are now the one in charge?

Absolutely. I'm the boss.

Okay, so take us through a day in the life of "the boss".

Well, the first thing I do is...

Sleep 'til lunchtime! (like a boss)
Avoid shaving! (like a boss)
Take a shower! (like a boss)
Watch some cable news! (like a boss)
Put some pants on! (like a boss)
Read some email! (like a boss)
Drink some Slimfast! (like a boss)
Take some heart pills! (like a boss)
Hit the laptop! (like a boss)
Do some writing! (like a boss)
Get the writer's block! (like a boss)
Get distracted! (like a boss)
Flirt with neighbors! (like a boss)
Give massages! (like a boss)
Make out by the pool! (like a boss)
Do soap sculpture! (like a boss)
Deliver babies! (like a boss)
Learn karate! (like a boss)
Talk to squirrels! (like a boss)
Teach geometry! (like a boss)
Rubik's cube! (like a boss)
Try to solve it! (like a boss)

(Damnit, no one's ever going to figure this $#@% thing out it's no use I SUCK!!)

Break the cube! (like a boss!)
Hack the White House! (like a boss)
Steal some intell! (like a boss)
Catch Osama! (like a boss)
Get a medal! (like a boss)
Go on Oprah! (like a boss)
Raise an Army! (like a boss)
Conquer Finland! (like a boss)
Fight a monkey! (like a boss)
Stop global warming! (like a boss)
Date both Jessicas! (like a boss)
Alba and Simpson! (like a boss)
Build a spaceship! (like a boss)
Fly it to the Moon! (like a boss)
Play some golf there! (like a boss)
Take a nap! (like a boss)

Uh huh. So that's an average day for you, then?

No doubt.

You...make out by the pool, catch Osama, go on Oprah, play golf on the Moon and then take a nap?

HELL yeah.

And I think at one point there you mentioned not being able to solve the Rubik's Cube?

Nope.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.

Nah, that ain't me.

Okay. Well, this has been eye-opening for me.

I'm the boss.

Yeah, no, got that. You said it about four-hundred times.

I'm the boss.

Yeah, yeah, I got it!

I'm the boss.

No, I heard you, see you later.

(And if you're not a The Lonely Island fan, none of that made any sense. I shouldn't write these things this late at night. Thank you for your time).