Six Degrees of Charles Bronson

You ever have one of those spit-take moments when you're flipping around cable and find an old movie, and you spot a well-known actor in a very early, and sometimes very embarrassing, role?

Last night I ended up on "Death Wish II", the Charles Bronson vengeance-fest from 1982. And out nowhere I was like, "Holy crap! That's Laurence Fishburne!" Yes, heralded thespian Fishburne was playing one of the members of the sensitively multi-racial gang that ended up raping Bronson's housekeeper and his daughter. Guess you have to start SOMEWHERE, right? While this wasn't his actual start (he was in "Fast Break" with Gabe Kaplan and in "Apocalypse Now", both in '79), he still wasn't a known actor by any stretch.

This took me back to, many years ago, catching the original "Death Wish" on cable with a few of the guys. We were all shocked and tremendously amused to find Jeff Goldblum playing one of THAT film's raping gang members. Not that rape is amusing, but how can you not laugh at Jeff Goldblum, over-playing crazy to cartoonish levels, spouting out the line, "I"ll show you how to paint! I'm gonna paint her mouth!" Ironically, the rape victim was also Bronson's daughter. A lot of rape in Bronson's films. I assume that's so we'll hate the bad guys enough to where we'll have no problem when Bronson methodically guns them down. Note that the other laughter in this film with the appearance of Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington, from "Welcome Back Kotter" fame, as a street hood trying to rob vigilante Bronson with the famous line, "Give me the money, honey!".

Interesting that both Goldblum and Fishburne had early starts in Bronson crapfests. In 1992, when both their careers had started taking off, they ended up in the same film, playing the lead roles in the Bill Duke-directed film "Deep Cover". Both would later go on to success in major box office smash franchises ("Jurassic Park" and "The Matrix"). And, ironically, both Hollywood icons are currently playing roles in television crime dramas ("Law and Order: CI" for Goldblum, "CSI" for Fishburne). They've each followed similar and successful career paths, and both somehow overcame their gangta rape-a personae from "Death Wish" films - both films that now, for me, will be very useful when playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Hey, wait a minute - Freddy Washington was in "Welcome Back Kotter" with Gabe Kaplan, and Fishburne was in "Fast Break" with Kaplan. And after that, Kaplan was in...

Oh. Never mind.